You have to love yourself before you can love someone else — is bullshit

Yes, if you hate yourself and you’re living a reckless life, you probably should work on you a little (life coping tools) before investing in someone else. But the idea that you have to fully love yourself before loving someone else is not true. It’s a banner hung by people who have read too many self help books. It can be a wall we hide behind because we’re afraid to love.

It’s also lined with shame. It sets you up to ring a high bell that’s unattainable. Because loving yourself doesn’t come with a certificate or a finish line. It’s a life long process. It’s not a class. It’s a concept.

Like any relationship, your relationship with yourself goes up and down and sideways and requires a daily feed. It changes as you change, your circumstances change, and the people around you change.

So no matter how much work you’ve done on yourself, or how far you’ve come in life, there are days you’re not going to love yourself. Because of so many other factors. You may be kinder to yourself. You may no longer hate yourself. But we all snap back at times. We all live with our demons to a certain extent. Because we all have our stories. And our stories have caused imprints and false beliefs. Because none of us enter adulthood unscarred.

That banner injects…