We focus so much on who we want to love, we forget about how we want to be loved.
When was the last time you asked yourself that? Or have you ever? It’s an important conversation to have with yourself. If you don’t know, you will end up taking what he/she is willing to give and that may not be what you want. It may not promote your truth or growth. This process is called compromising. And it doesn’t happen intentionally. It happens when emotions come into play, when we fall in love or lust or whatever that allows us to bottom list what we want for ourselves.
So it’s good to once in a while to sit down and write down how you would like to be loved. What would that look like? And remember, it changes as we change so how you wanted to be loved, as well as your definition of love, may be very different today than yesterday. Look, here’s the bottom line. If you don’t know or have a clear idea of how you would like to be loved, you will never be loved that way.
I did this exercise myself. Here’s my -
Loving me is…
Dealing with all my shit. Sweating together. Talking about random stuff in the middle of the night that make us feel like we’re in high school again. Lots of kissing. Having your own life. Eating out a lot. Bedhead, dirty socks, and morning breath. Commitment. Communication. Lots of communication. Maybe too much sometimes. Silly notes in your purse. Eye contact. Learning to breathe. Laughing out loud. Looking inward. Good banter. An agreement that we will always sharpen each other. Being supportive, and by supportive I mean accepting who I am instead of who I could be. Please read that again. Calling me out. On everything but from a place of love. Not control. Chasing breezes. Managing turbulence. Owning your own stuff. Helping me scratch my back since I can’t reach the middle and I’m always itchy. Connecting spiritually because I’ve never had that with anyone before. Making me feel invincible. Not that that’s your job but because you believe in me and what I’m trying to do in this world. Blinder’s sex, the kind of sex that gives you blinders. Knowing that sex is ultimately about connection. Oneness with two separate containers. Motorcycle rides. Holding on to and respecting our non-negotiables. Feeling the sun. Staring at the moon. The beach. Diners and jukeboxes. Building something meaningful, knowing that all relationships are hard and we are investing in this without focusing on all the what ifs. Only what is.
What is loving you?