Can we share a moment? A new one. With nothing attached. Forgetting everything we were and why things didn’t work, releasing all judgement and what ifs. Can we share a moment, just one where I can see you now, today, as a human being minus expectations, ideas of love, and the crumbled check lists we had peeking from our back pockets. Can we share the fears before we kissed because those felt real. Can we just be. Without labels or dissecting dynamics. For one moment, can I experience you without us?
Not to spark or reignite but to be reminded that we were nothing more than two people who ran toward something they felt but fell. With scrapped knees and a half smile, can we look at each other and laugh. Knowing we were fools but also stood on courage. We believed in something. And even if it was short lived, that belief is what love is about. Not the promise.
Can we share a brand new experience based on what is. Because the world doesn’t believe we should. Because we’re supposed to close our hearts and look straight ahead, waiting for someone new as if love runs out. Because I miss you before we were we.
In the world we live in, this moment above is not realistic or “healthy”. It’s a fantasy, I get it. “Moving on” means we don’t engage with our exes. And I’m not saying that we should. I wrote this as an exercise of sorts one random night, a moment of expression as I thought about the women in my past and if they were still holding resentment toward me. It doesn’t mean I want to be with them again. I actually don’t believe in multiple rounds. Relationships are not boxing matches. It didn’t work for a reason and two people have to change significantly in order for another round to even have a chance.
Anyway, I get that too much has happened. I get that people were hurt. I get that some relationships were toxic and abusive.
But in order to truly move on, you can’t hold onto anger and resentment. You have to wish people well. You have to throw love at them. You loved each other deeply once. Shit happened. Feelings changed. Or it became toxic. I don’t know but most likely the outcome wasn’t planned. I mean, you and he / she were attracted to each other, gave it your best shot (or the best with what you both had and where you guys were at at the time) and it expired. But you guys shared moments, a bed, and hearts. That means something. Don’t cheapen it by holding onto hate or trying to suppress it. Accept it. And allow it to truly move through you, and the way you do that is with love. Love is what started it and love is also what will close it. If not, it will never be closed. Instead it will be the pebble in your shoe as you walk into your next relationship.
You can’t control how someone feels about you but you can control how you exercise your heart toward them.
Not just for them. For you. Throw love at them from a distance, because we’ve all fucked up. We’ve all been selfish, controlling, shallow, reactive, short tempered. Because we’re human and it’s the people we care about the most that bring out the worst in us sometimes. We all have stories. Accept what happened. Stop blaming, including yourself, take your learnings, and throw love at them as you write your new love story.