Top questions to ask yourself after a first date

There’s more to a first date than just chemistry, assuming you’re looking for more than just Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Here’s what I believe are the most important questions to ask yourself. Note: Do not write this down and bring it with you on the date so you have something to check off.

Listening. Did this person practice active listening or did they turn everything you said back onto them? Did they focus on you and make a conscious effort to not only hear the words that came out of your mouth, but more importantly the complete message being sent?

Behavior / Manners. You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat others. How did this person treat you? But more importantly, how did they treat others during the date? The wait staff, bus boys, valet?

Eye Contact. If this person can’t look you in the eye, run. They’re either shady or insecure and you don’t have time for either. Were their eyes darting or focused?

Transparency. Was this person vulnerable? Or did they put up a front? Try to be someone they’re not? Transparency doesn’t mean verbally vomiting on you. It means showing / sharing their true self and story without seeking validation or approval.

Sexual chemistry. Raw sexual chemistry. Most likely, it fluctuated through out the date. But you can feel it pretty fast if it’s there. When the date was over, were you thinking I have more chemistry with my sibling or I will masturbate tonight.

Hygiene. This includes body odor, breath, hair, fingernails, etc., but also effort. Did they make an effort to present themselves like they cared about the date. Stains, winkled shirt, a filthy car? Remember, this is probably their best presentation. It may go down hill from here.

Confidence. Confidence measures how comfortable one is with self, their beliefs in their ability, and knowing who they are and what they stand for. Confident people have a stance. They walk with certainty and do what they believe is right even if others mock or criticize them. How comfortable were they in their own skin? Borrowed or owned?

Energy. Positive or negative. Positive means they are present and happy to be there. They’ve made a choice to have a good date no matter what. Negative means they are sucking the life out of you by criticizing the restaurant, staff, food, complaining about things they can’t control. Remember, whatever energy you get on your first date will be amplified if you were in a relationship with this person. Was he or she a black hole or sunlight?

Banter. Good banter creates closeness, comfort, and a dance that is needed to produce a solid connection and the pulse of a relationship. Was there a natural flow, an exciting back and forth sprinkled with humor and curiosity? Or did you say to yourself, Somebody stab me in the face.

Humor. We all know how important this is. They don’t necessarily have to be funny. But were they open to funny? That’s what’s important. Was their mood light and fun? Did they attempt to make you laugh and reciprocated when you initiated funny. Now if they were actually funny, factor that in. That’s a big plus. But make sure it came from a honest place instead of a performey one. There’s a fine line between trying too hard and my new favorite person.

Individuality. Uniqueness. Originality. Personality. Style. Taste. Self expression. How forgettable were they? If you never saw them again, would you even remember them or the date?

Flexibility. Not literally. Well, unless you guys are doing yoga together. Were they able to adjust to long lines, no parking, and rude people? How well were they able to manage adversity during the date? Because let’s face it, things always go wrong on the first date. Did they try to make the best of the experience no matter what wrenches were thrown? Snap in the wind or sway in the breeze?

Stuck in the past. Oh, we’ve all experienced this person before. Did they talk about their exes? Past relationships? How “close” they were to being a millionaire? When they used to “model”? Or date models? Did they brag about who they used to be or talk about their life in the present and share future goals / passions without forcing you to jump into their time machine? Who paid? This is not about gender roles. I believe the person who asked the other out should pay or at least offer. But it’s less about money and more about the gesture. These actions are reflective of one’s character. That’s the important piece.

Consumption compatibility. This is just a very nice way of saying did they have food on their eyebrows after dinner. Whoever you start dating, you’re going to eat with them a lot. What about choice in food? Did you eat healthy and everything he ate was fried? Did you have one drink and she had five? Eating habits say a lot about someone. Were you thinking I’d rather starve or this is my new binge buddy.

Were they batshit crazy? Seriously. Okay, there are two types of crazy. There’s the good kind and the boiling rabbits kind. The good kind of crazy is electric, spontaneous, and interesting. It’s a fun and casual type of crazy that exciting and attractive. This is not the crazy I’m talking about. I’m referring to hints of insanity. Extreme waves of emotion. Saying shit that make absolutely no sense.

Do they have friends? Throughout the conversation, hopefully you’ve gotten a feel of if they have friends. Right now, it’s not important what kind of people their friends are. You just want to know if they have any. Do they have the ability to be social and invest in others? Or do they isolate?

Ambivalence. Can they make a decision? Ladies, can I get an amen?! There’s a difference between easy going and not being able to speak your mind because you care too much what the other person thinks. Were they just being polite or a bit indecisive? Or do they not possess the ability to state an opinion? If they can’t decide where they want to go, what they want for dinner, what music they care to listen to, and so forth and so forth, have absolutely no opinion on anything, they probably can’t decide who they should be with and why.

Potential. From all the information you’ve gathered from this one night or day, how much potential do you see with this person? Not the potential this person has to offer the world. I mean that would be nice. But rather the potential of you guys building something together. Yes, I understand it may be early to be asking this on a first date. But let me just remind you of something. Remember what happened last time? Been there done that or thank you come again?

Keep leaning forward,

- Angry

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