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The Non-Stick Relationship

What healthy looks like

First, let’s talk about what the “sticky” in a relationship is. Simply put, if I had to cut straight to the chase, it’s the dysfunction. But it doesn’t feel like dysfunction. It feels like a New York slice straight from the oven. At three AM while you’re drunk and starving. It’s hot, drippy, delicious, and you can’t get enough of it. Until of course, the stomach ache hits.

The sticky in a relationship is the codependency and enmeshment that runs underneath like a river, turning love into possession and two complete people into one incomplete. The feeling produced by this process is a cocaine high and what many people mistake as “true love”.

Where does it come from?

Everything we didn’t receive as a child. From the lack we feel in ourselves. From society’s shoulds and the giant ticking clock we claim to ignore. From old wounds we are not healing. From our own fears and insecurities. From what smells familiar from old relationship patterns. Our inability to draw boundaries. From learned dysfunctional relationship dynamics (usually parents). From the absent father. From our addictions or the gene in our family tree. From lack of trusting oneself. From sexual abuse. From not doing work on ourselves. I can go on but I’ll stop here or this article will turn into an ebook.

Chances are one of these hits home for you. This means you’ve most likely experienced the stick. Or maybe you’re experiencing it now in your new relationship but still not quite sure. Because let’s face it, when you’re in something that feels so good, you can’t see the bad. The control. Jealous behavior. Losing oneself. Dependency. High drama. Lack of communication. Poor boundaries. Difficulty making decisions and identifying feelings. Daily eggshells. Valuing the approval of the other more than oneself. Low emotional expressivity. Always feeling compelled to take care of the other. Your logic gets hijacked by your emotions. Lenses get foggy due to the feel goods.

NOTE: The reason why sticky relationships feel amazing is because a sticky relationship means an intense relationship. And we mistake intensity for love. This intensity may feel familiar from the lack of boundaries in your family while growing up. And you mistake this feeling for love…