The Modern Man, Why We’re All Confused + What to Do About It

I am a Korean American Male. My dad is an alcoholic. He became sober in his later years. While growing up, he was rarely around. He worked a lot. And when he was around, he spent time AT me rather than WITH me. Most conversations were lectures. He told me what I needed to do, or should do, in order to succeed instead of developing an authentic relationship with me that would allow me to create my own definitions of success and what a man looks like. But you have to remember, he grew up during a war, making his own shoes, and physically abused by his father. His upbringing was all about survival. Emotional intelligence wasn’t even a thing. So, I guess you could say, he didn’t acquire the tools available today. Although he gave me everything I needed to be “American”, like designer jeans and BMX bikes, he didn’t instill any beliefs in me that would later help me define who I was as a man.

So I learned how to be a man from the boys on the block, the breakdancing crew, the kids I skated with, and the frat guys in college. And of course they had their own stories with their dads. Some of them, I’m sure had the kind of fathers who coached them in T-ball, talked to them about girls, and instilled the belief that they could do anything they put their mind to. But I believe, most had absent fathers like mine. I know because their dialogue and actions…