Have you ever gone out to eat with someone who can’t decide what he wants to order? He goes back and forth. Back and forth. He asks, “What are you having?”, which is normal. Then asks the server what’s good or popular. Again, normal. But after ten minutes or so, when he eventually asks the server to just pick something for him, it’s no longer an indecisive thing. It’s a character thing.

This is the same guy who doesn’t know where to take his girlfriend on a date. The guy who asks for permission for a kiss. The same guy who doesn’t know who to vote for. Can’t tell you what he liked or didn’t like about the movie. He’s the “I dunno” guy and never has an opinion. He doubts and second guesses himself constantly. Basically, he can’t make decisions. His inability to pull the trigger will block his journey from boy to manhood. Men make decisions. You have to or you can’t build anything. Or lead anyone.

Ambivalence repels trust like flipped magnets. Without this trust, no one will follow you. You become a leaf. And in relationships, it will stunt chemistry, attraction, and growth. She may not agree with your decision but must trust that you have the ability to make one. Without this ability, she knows there is no movement. No movement means no journey and she is seeking a man on a mission. Not a boy lost at sea. Simply put, if you can’t make decisions, you’re not going anywhere.

The ability to make a decision is a skill. It allows you to be heard, have a voice, and build trust. The act of making a decision allows you to pave. a road. The pattern of these decisions will determine what kind of road you are on. It will remind you who you are and where you are going. It’s better to choose and be wrong than not choose at all. If you don’t pull the trigger, you will lose your gun.

So pick a lane, a side, a color. Choose a restaurant, a partner, a cause. Your decisions will define your character. Make a choice or you will be in the ocean instead of on a road. Making decisions doesn’t mean being controlling. One stems from a belief in self. The other, insecurity. Don’t mistake the two. One allows growth and the other stunts it.

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist