Notice I said with yourself. Not by yourself. You don’t have to be by yourself to be with yourself. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to sit at home all night reading self help books and watching documentaries, because you promised your friends you wouldn’t get into something so fast this time. Great. Don’t commit to anything. But “dating yourself” doesn’t mean to be alone. Because let’s face it. Being alone sucks. Who wants to be alone? No one. Unless you’re in something really shitty that you don’t know how to get out of, then it’s a dream. But for everyone else, alone isn’t how we want to go through life. We’re not meant to. We can only have so many conversations with ourselves before we start to go insane and lose our friends. Then we’ll be really be alone. Like Taxi Driver alone.
Dating yourself or sitting with yourself means to take everything you’ve learned about you, in whatever relationship that just ended, and make an effort to change in a way that makes you more wise and self actualized. Don’t focus on what happened or the other person. You have no control over that. Always bring it back to you. That means to challenge your thoughts, behavior, and patterns. That means to make a choice to go down a different path. It doesn’t mean to isolate. Unless you want to gain weight and fall through trap doors that lead into a dark basement housing old love memories in dusty jars. Get out. Meet people, all types of people. Be open to new experiences. Do things you wouldn’t ordinary do. You are now a blank canvas. It’s time to paint. But what you want to paint this time. Not what others want you to. Meet people you wouldn’t ordinary meet. How else do you plan to grow? You can’t stretch just by thinking.
Don’t judge anything.
Okay now let’s talk about execution. Without it, all of this is meaningless. As you implement sitting with yourself into your daily life, you’re going to feel uncomfortable. All growth will make you feel uncomfortable or you’re not growing. You’re going to find yourself playing back old relationships, downloading dating apps, and loosening your grip on your non-negotiables. And that’s okay. That’s where the art of this comes in. Sitting with yourself is a process. It’s a discipline. It takes time. Like martial arts. The more you practice it, the more you master it.
If there were colored belts involved,
White - Isolating. Eating your feelings. Holding anger and resentment. But you are genuinely interested in change and making a conscious effort to grow. You are starting to show up, pulling out of victim mode.
Blue - No more blame. You’re bringing everything back to you. You have a solid structure implemented. You’re re-establishing a new relationship with yourself. You’re doing things that move you. For you. You’re getting your fitness on. You’re speaking your truth, practicing transparency, and seeking nectar.
Brown - You’re starting to like yourself. For reals this time. You’re seeking less validation and approval. You have a strong stance. You know what you want. You invest energy only in people who makes you feel alive. You know what you bring to the table. You believe you’re worth something.
Black - You are just you. And completely okay with it. You would like to share your life with someone but you don’t need to to be happy. Your focus are on things greater than yourself, like passion, purpose and making a dent in the universe. You are spiritual. You connect with animals and nature. But most importantly, moments. Yeah, you’re really into moments. It’s a preference you’ve worked so hard for. You’ve rewired yourself. You talk less, listen more, and you don’t have to be right all the time. You are officially hot.