The #1 question to ask yourself before investing in someone
Yes, there’s chemistry and attraction and how your bodies fit. Yes, there’s common values and interests and what love languages you guys speak. Yes, there’s where you guys are at in your lives and where you’re going. Yes, character, self awareness, and lifestyle matters. And of course, butterflies and magic and actually liking someone -> Because we forgot about this one sometimes. Do you actually like this person? And yes, there’s admiration, respect, and if you want children, would they be a good parent?
Yes, yes, yes but at the end of day, none of the above matters unless there is a “yes” to the following question,
Can I build something with this person?
Just because there’s connection and attraction and a shit ton of other good stuff doesn’t mean there’s a relationship. Relationships require a daily build.
Most underestimate it. Most jump into a relationship like they just found a cute puppy and bring it home, not realizing how much work it takes to raise the damn thing. You are not raisng a person (hopefully) but both of you guys are raising a relationship.
Things don’t just naturally fall into place in relationships. There is discomfort, conflict, and disagreement. There is residue from each other’s stories. Trauma. Triggers. Miscommunication. And of course, ego.
When you’re single, there is complete freedom to live how you want to live. But when you decide to share your life with someone, and yes you still have your own life, but the energy of another person and everything that comes with that enters your life. This can be beautiful of course. That’s why we do it. But it takes tools. Patience. Awareness. Flow. Compromise. Not making it about you. There is stretch involved and if he / she doesn’t have that elasticity, good. fucking. luck.
So ask yourself, can I build something with this person? If you can’t, for whatever reason, find someone who you can build something with or you’ll be trying to build a house with duct tape.