My Wife Won’t Give Me Blow Jobs Anymore
A client’s story
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There are some clients you just don’t like. They annoy the shit out of you. Sometimes you can’t really put your finger on why. Yes, they’re defensive, argumentative, and don’t want to do the work. But that’s not why you don’t like them. The problem is not where they’re at. It’s who they are. They’re people you probably wouldn’t hang out with in “real life.” And they keep coming back, which is what annoys you the most, because as a therapist you can’t tell your clients to not come back because they annoy the shit out of you. I mean, you can, but you’ll probably end up in the back pages of one of those therapist magazines that list all the therapists who have lost their license.
Jon was one of those clients. He didn’t come for himself. He was sent. This happens a lot in my world. Usually, men are sent to me by their girlfriends and wives, who think they’re sending their men to behavior camp, convinced they will magically return with manners, emotional tools, and a newfound appreciation for life and their partner. Jon told me his wife heard me on “Dax’s podcast,” which he hadn’t listened to himself. His wife thought I could give him some “relationship tricks.”
So many things about the first words that came out of Jon’s mouth had already annoyed me. Why did he have to mention that he didn’t listen to my episode on “Dax’s podcast”? (By the way, the podcast is called Armchair Expert, not “Dax’s podcast,” like he knows Dax personally or something.) I’ll tell you why. Because he wanted me to know that I wasn’t better than him. And of course, that he only wanted “relationship tricks” from me. He was too cool for therapy. So he used a phrase that made me sound like a dog trainer. I would have been less annoyed if he’d come in and just said, “Listen, Kimbo, I don’t believe in therapy. I don’t believe in you. I’m just here because my wife won’t give me blow jobs anymore. Fix it.” If Jon had said those exact words, I would have fucking loved him. That kind of honesty would have broken down so many walls.
Instead, it would take many sessions to finally discover that he felt that way. Jon had never gone to therapy because he didn’t believe in it. He didn’t like me because his wife followed me on social media and listened to my podcasts, even bought one of my…
