My revelations and learnings of 2017

“2016 was like a fucked up friend you were hoping would change because you really cared about them but then realized that they’re going to be who they’re going to be and you’re trying to let go, but it’s so hard because there’s this tiny tiny part of you who still believes they’re going to want better.

I’m hoping 2017 will be the unexpected friend you just met who changes your life.”

I wrote that last year around this time. And 2017 did end up being the unexpected friend who changed my life by positioning me and planting seeds. 2017 helped me dissolve some false beliefs about myself. Like finally believing that I am a “real” writer. I also became thirsty for something greater. It was the year I started using vocabulary like energy and manifesting and actually practiced meditation and compassion, instead of just writing about it like so many do. It was the year I burned a “success” candle for three days on top of seven Posts Its with things I desired, three of which have already come true. It was the year of believing. The year of being still. The year of trusting. 2017 gave me new lenses and less panic. It was the year I danced with faith and the puzzle pieces of my life fitting together to finally reveal something.

Soften

As I get older, I find myself naturally softening. Not overly sensitive or losing my backbone. Actually the complete opposite. My life spine is stronger than its ever been. And I’m as sensitive anymore. I mean I still write my fucking feelings and I’m probably the most senstive guy in the room. But I don’t take things so personally like I used to. And by soften, I mean able to let go. Not hold on so tightly. Two worlds I rarely used this year, hate and dread. I don’t really really hate anything or anyone, like I used to. I mean don’t get me wrong. There are people who bother the shit out of me. But I have an incredible amount of tolerance, more than I ever have. I was talking to a friend the other night and he was talking about a guy who he thought was a douche. I knew the guy and agreed about his “douchey” behavior but I didn’t dislike him. Instead, I felt sad for him. One can argue because I’m a therapist, I am trained to see people as hurting instead of assholes. Absolutely, giving ten thousand plus hours of therapy has to have trained my brain in some way. And maybe as men get older, they just soften. Naturally. Not just their erections but also their heart. But I believe there’s another layer to this and it has to do with positioning. I feel like in order for me to do what I’m suppose to do in this world, I have to have a softer heart. Although I write / talk about many things, my ultimate message is love and compassion. Period. And you can not deliever that message in a genuniely with a hardened heart. To be vulnerable and kind. It will always be my message. Not by choice. It lines up with my story. I feel it in my bones. It’s what I’m meant to talk about. This year cemented that for me, especially with the privilege to write a book for men. My heart has softened in 2017. I am able to accept more, hold better space, love harder, and practice more compassion.

Hold onto what you want but let go of what that will look like and when it will come.

It’s okay to want things. Just because I’m in the wellness space doesn’t mean I can’t want things. Since I was a kid, I wanted things, big things, beautiful things. I still do, now more than ever. Like MC Hammer staring at the mansion on the hill when he was a poor kid living on the other side of the tracks, that he eventually moved into after he became successful, I want to my house in the hills. Literally. A home.

Be a student to love, always.

Lots of dating this year. So grateful for all the people I have collided with, stories I’ve been a part of. It doesn’t matter if we shared a moment or a couple months, intimacy, on any level, is not cheap or meaningless for me. Yes, there are boundaries and people (including myself) can get hurt if things don’t work out, but that’s always the ante to play love. I decided to be a student this year and lean into all experiences. I dated more this year than any and I struggled a lot with being in the moment and not labeling things, because I’m used to making clear cut decisions. Or I bounce. But if you’re going to choose to be a student to love, you can’t grab. I mean, yes have non-negotiables and make decisions, but turn your dial to explore and learn until it’s time to move forward or move on. Toss the ticking clock. That’s really hard for me to do. But I’ve learned so much about myself through my dating experience. And will continue to learn and grow.

The power of simplifying.

I’ve learned this year that the single best way to realign yourself is to simplify. Period. What matters to you. Who matters to you. Cut all the other bullshit and place your chips there. Because there’s so much daily noise, especially in our heads. If we don’t cut that noise, we will drown. So when things get complicated, simplify. Simplify. Simplify. Simplify your wardrobe, your business, your fitness, your diet, your dating. Everything. Again, what matters to you is all that matters. The rest is noise. That will drown you.

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist