My Mid Year Revelations of 2018

I used to think living in the past meant you’re constantly thinking about old shit. Past relationships that still aren’t closed. Events that still have a hold on you. Feelings of anger and resentment toward people who have hurt you or “done you wrong”, tightly locked in your heart, thoughts, and body. Which you constantly obsess about. Yes, this is definately living in the past.

I struggle with some of this but not enough for it to dramatically impact my life. I’ve accepted and dissolved and done tons of therapy and no longer walk with stones in my shoe. But I’ve learned this year that there’s another version of living in the past that doesn’t have to do with exes and trauma.

Out of our sixty thousand daily thoughts, they say ninety percent of them are the same ones we had yesterday. And ninety percent of tomorrow’s thoughts will be the ones we have today. So we live in a loop a la the movie Groundhog’s Day. This means we’re living in the past.

I now make an conscious effort to be aware of the thoughts that are on replay and to think new ones. Easer said than done. We are habital creatures and this includes our thinking. It takes practice. A daily effort. Some days I win. Some days I lose. But here’s what I use as leverage. I know that if I don’t change my thoughts, I am not living. I am existing. I am not creating. I am surviving. So I’ve been breathing. Meditating. Observing. Mentally detaching. Doing everything I can to create the distance. Yes, this requires a practice but it may be the most important practice in your life.

You won’t spend the extra money on something because you know that extra you’re paying for is something you can just do or make yourself. For example, cooking instead of subscribing to a food delivery service (extra). Yes, I get it. But I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better just to buy the sliced apples. I actually do subscribe to a food delivery service. It saves me time and money. Yes, money. Since I don’t know how to cook, if I buy groceries and cook for a party of one, the food usually goes bad. Also because I can’t eat the same thing everyday like many others can. I know this about myself.

We get traction in life by implimenting stucture and systems. By leveraging what you know about yourself and what you’ll actually do instead of following a logical plan that the world is doing. Here’s another example. I spend way too much money going out to get coffee instead of brewing it at home. I could cut my coffee bill by like ninety percent if I just made coffee at home. But the five dollar cup of Joe isn’t for the coffee. What I know about myself is I write better when I’m out around people and activity. When there’s music and dogs and voices. So I’m paying for production. Not coffee.

I forget where I heard this but it really works. We drown in our problems because we’re always making things about us. My life sucks. I’m not making as much money as I want. I don’t have________. I wish I had________. Broad strokes of this dialogue is healthy. It will fuel you to want more or better for yourself. But if lack is all you obsess about, you will feel powerless. You will feel like a victim.

The way you pull out of the victim trenches is by giving. When you’re giving, you are no longer thinking about you and everything you lack. A recent example of this is when I went to the Wanderlust Festival this year in Vermont and gave as many free sessions as I could. I wasn’t concerned about wanting anything back. I wasn’t there to sell anything. I had one mission. To be of service. I left feeling empowered and reminded why I become a therapist.

Anytime you are pulling yourself out of self and making it about others, you stop feeding your problems. You go from living a to me life to a through me life. One creates a prison. The other, empowerment and a sense of purpose.

I recenltly purchased a pair of sandals for one hundred dollars. I am not rich. This is not usual behavior. The first time I saw them, I liked them but then glanced at the price and was like “fuck that”. Then I was at that shop a few weeks later and considered them again. Decided to just buy them with a mental note to hold on to the receipt.

They’re not just casual flip flops. They’re different and well made. Imported from Japan. Anything from Japan is expensive. But also well made. The complete opposite of China. Anyway, I wear these fuckers every single day. I wear them to the coffee shop. To the gym. At home. Everywhere save on my motorcycle.

My revelation is I would rather have less of things I really like than more of things I kinda like. This is also with friends. Because the kinda like produces luke warm feelings and life is too short for luke warm.

There are so many things in my closet I don’t wear. I would rather have a staple of ten or fifteen things that may be pricey but I wear all the time than a giant closet of things that were on sale that I never wear.

Basically quality over quantity.

In everything.

This has been the year of dating for me. I haven’t dated much in my life. I meet someone and it usually quickly turns into a relationship. But this year I told myself I’m not going to jump into anything too fast. I told myself I’m going to really decide to put myself out there, meet new people, explore, and hoe myself out (joke).

I’ve learned so much about myself through the process, about attraction, what to put weight on, my tugs, weaknesses, fears, and what’s truly important, real, and lasting. But my greatest take way is that the slow burn can be greater than the lightning in a bottle.

I’ve always believed that if someone doesn’t knock your knee high socks off within a few minutes, she’s probably not “the one”. Then I learned that there is no “one”. There is only the one you choose to love. Today.

Like many, I realized that I compare my love connections and experiences with old ones. More accurately, the ones I had in my early twenties. But here’s the thing. The love connections we had in our early years left the greatest imprints because it was all new. And part of those connections were dysfunction pulls, coming from an unhealthy place. That’s why they were so powerful. They were the residue of our upbringing and chasing things that smell familar. Fixing people. Completing people. Losing yourself in someone else.

Lightning in a bottle can then be disguised as two people who are codependent. Instead of falling in love, you fall in lost. Then you grow up and think that’s what love should feel like. So you end up chasing the sticky from dysfunction and set yourself up for another giant fall, which makes you trust less and believe that love is just a nice poem.

The slow burn is something I am trusting more these days. It gives you time to see what is real. When the burn is slow, your lenses are more clear. You’re able to see and feel things that aren’t tainted by the old and what’s lacking in you. Instead, you are creating new tracks and redefining what healthy looks like. Yes, it may feel strange. There will be resistance. But easy love isn’t love. It’s a commerical.

When I say “superpower”, I’m not referring to our unique gifts. I’m speaking of our general power as human beings. I’ve always been a logical person. All my decisions were left brain based. And if I couldn’t see something, literally, I wouldn’t believe it. Words like energy and intuition and spirit were not in my vocabulary. Much. This year things tipped. My mental see saw has swayed the other way. I am less interested in logically things. I am now interested in the unseen. The energy we produce to attract, manifest. Our spirit. Making decisions based on my truth, as a whole person. Not just in parts. What I feel in my body. Not just my mind.

The big revelation is this: In our wholeness is where our truth lives. In our truth is where our potential and purpose map lives. In order to tap into our truth, our mind and body must be connected. We must pull from a whole place. Not in parts or our past. But life causes us to disconnect. By the time we drive and pay taxes, we start to disconnect with ourselves. We get pulled apart by other people’s stories of us. We start living in parts. We become luke warm.

Slowly detaching from our thoughts and coming home to our body. That’s where the answers are. Because our bodies are instruments. Our thoughts are distorted and our feelings alone are not facts. But at the intersection, the wholeness of who we truly are, our truth, where visualization meets the knowing feeling that what we want has already happened. That space. That’s where we become superhuman. That’s where some next level shit lives.

I have been obssessed with this space. I believe our frontal lobe (40% of our brain) has powers we are unaware of because we haven’t exercised them. I believe our mind / body connection is how to climb into the cockpit. Quantum physics. The manifestation of thoughts. The power of belief. Past lives. The spiritual relm.

We still live like the world is flat.

There is so much we don’t know.

I am choosing to explore like Christopher Columbus.

You can ask yourself what you want until tigers smoke (← Korean saying. I know, don’t judge). If you never answer the question, you’re a boat without a rudder.

I feel like I’ve been asking myself this for years. But have been too afraid to answer it. Partly because the things I want I don’t believe I deserve. It’s also lined with guilt and other stuff I’m probably not aware of. But this year, I finally answered it. I literally carry it in my pocket. It’s in my phone.

There’s something very powerful about the announcement, especially if it’s outloud and witnessed. It doesn’t matter what it is. It’s like the sentence I am… (fill in the blank). This is one of the most powerful sentences you can say outloud. You’re declaring to the world as well as yourself and energy will follow that declaration. Repeat “I am worthless”. Notice how that feels in your body. You probably hunched over. Now sit up straight and say “I fucking matter”. Again,with every fiber of your being as you flash back all the shit you’ve been through and over come in your life. Notice the difference? If you don’t, you didn’t do it honestly.

Of course, my wants can and will change. But today, more than ever before, I know what I want. I’ve said it out loud.

With enough certainty to walk through a tree.

Most want the proof before they will believe. I was one of them. Today, I believe anything’s possible. It’s a choice. I believe when you believe anything’s possible, the impossible happens. Not when you want proof. Because behind proof, there is doubt. And with doubt comes limits and ceilings.

There’s nothing to explain. You either believe it or you don’t. It’s a choice. Pharrell Williams believes it. He told me in a pitch meeting once.

And I’ll always have what he’s having.

Recently I decided to run an ongoing weekly online group. Connect strangers from all over the world and process the myriad of human experiences that we all go through, and use the group to make each other accountable and accomplish goals. But most importantly, the value of the group will be for members to not feel so alone in this world. That’s huge. That’s everything.

I haven’t run groups in years. But it’s what I know and love. I’ve had spiritual moments running groups. I’ve ran hundreds of them. So I decided to do it again, connect to that part of me I had stuffed into a hope chest. I decided to do what I preach. Because growth and potential is sometimes more about a reunion than anything else.

It’s also my way of getting back into the trenches and helping people. Instead of just writing blogs and posting on Instagram.

And I’m pumped AF about it. There’s that feeling at the intersection I mentioned about. Lines up with my truth, who I am, and how I’m meant to be of service. It feels whole.

The group is on Monday’s at 6pm PST. Ongoing. Pay as you grow. If you want in, email me directly at

  • Angry


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Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist

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