My Fucking Feelings

August 21, 2018

Today I feel like Wednesday. Not because it’s Wednesday but I’m not hopless like Monday or excited like Friday. I’m not high like Saturday or relaxed like Sunday. I’m just in between. Feels like I’ve come halfway.

I wrote that eight years ago, 2010.

These days, I’ve been feeling the same. Back then, it was halfway from divorce recovery and building a new life. Halfway to becoming a therapist. Halfway to finding myself and some meaning in my life.

Today, I feel like I did all that and now I’m halfway to entering the second major part of my life. Or more accurately, me. The second part of me and who I’m supposed to evolve into. Who I’m supposed to shed. Who I’m supposed to become. Because one’s exterior world is the result of his interior. Like turning points in movies, I believe our evolution comes like act breaks. And if that’s the case, I think I’ve reached the internal mid point in my story.

There are things I feel like I can do that I couldn’t before. I finally feel like I have the ability to really check in with myself and make decisions based on what’s honest to me. I never used to be able to do this. I made decisions on three things. Logic, fear, and pleasing others. So I never practiced that thing called listen to youself, your soul, your gut, your intutition.