It’s 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Just went to the Lassen’s right next door to pick up two carrots, an apple, and some kale to make use of a brand new juicer I recently purchased. The giant chain super market across the street would have been much cheaper because no one just picks up two carrots, an apple, and some kale. But not the point. There’s something about a tiny grocery store that makes life feel simpler. It was worth paying three times as much. Simple is gold to me right now. 2015 was a very complicated year.

Keanu Reeves is fifty. He’s finally starting to look his age. He recently posted a photo of himself and some inspirational words, disclosing his struggle with depression and how short life is. I remember I had a crush on this girl in high school who wanted me to take her to see Point Break because she had a “serious” crush on him. Not cool. I also remember being jealous of him for being able to live from hotel room to hotel room, driving his little Triumph around Los Angles, and wearing his motorcycle helmet inside movie theaters. But now thinking about it, not so much. I think he was really lonely.

I’m dancing with words again. My life always brings me back to the page no matter how much I try to fight it. At 42, I’m learning that holding on to anything is suicide. So I let go by typing.

I’m sick of thinking about life. What the future holds. What the past has taught me. All that shit keeps me in my head. And I don’t want to be in my head anymore. I want to feel something. I don’t think I felt much as a child. I don’t think my parents created a space for it. Not to blame them. They helped me in other ways and still do. But I’m learning that feelings don’t come natural to me. It’s funny, people think because I’m a therapist I’m really feelings based. And I thought I was too because I’m sensitive and thoughtful. But there’s a difference between feelings and writing cards. Maybe that makes me a fraud. I don’t know.

Anyway, I’m going to therapy again. I remember I used to love therapy. It’s one of the reasons why I became a therapist. Then I started to build the chain grocery store across the street — online therapy / life coaching platform. And there’s nothing wrong with that grocery store. It feeds many. But I’m going back to the little grocery store to get my veggies. It’s simple there. And that’s what I need right now.

We’re all running.

To stand still.

- Angry

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist

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