I think many believe love and a healthy relationship are intertwined. The stronger the love, the healthier the relationship. This is not true. The more you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean the healthier the relationship will be. They are interdependent. And sometimes, the stronger the feelings of love we have for someone, the more unhealthy that relationship will be. This is due to losing ourselves in the other person or the relationship because our feelings of love or being “in love” are so strong. Then the question is are you in love or are you in lost?

We choose to love someone based on a thousand factors and that feeling of love may feel very natural and “meant to be”. But a healthy relationship is built. It is not a feeling. It takes a lot of fucking hard work. Healthy has more to do with how someone makes you feel rather than how you feel about that person. I understand no one can make you feel something. I’m talking about the container they build you. That takes tools. That takes self reflection, metacognition, and emotional intelligence. Just the feeling of raw natural love itself is not enough for a relationship to have legs. It is only one ingredient in the recipe, an important one I understand. But without the other stuff, the dish may not even be edible.

When you feel love for someone, ask yourself if that person is able to provide a safe container for you. Do they have the tools to make you feel beautiful / invincible? Because at the end of the day, that is what will keep the relationship strong. It’s the engine that will push the relationship through mud and over hills.

Without it, you’ll be hitchhiking.

Keep leaning forward,

- Angry

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” . IG: theangrytherapist.

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