I half ass a lot of things. But I can not half ass love. I’m either all in or all out. This can be a curse more than a gift when it comes to dating. I can’t just date to date, even though I feel like I need to since I’ve always been in long term relationships. Recently, I’ve come to terms with it. I like the way I love. I believe I’m good at it and I rarely say I’m “good” at anything. It’s not because I’m sensitive or went to therapy school. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect in relationships and I have my issues. The belief that I am a good lover is due to one thing and one thing only. I love without fear. It is a choice. A difficult one. I understand the risk. My heart’s been broken just like yours. I’ve been in a world of hurt. I’ve been confused. I’m been ambivalent. I’ve changed my mind. I’ve been left. But I have tasted fearless love. And once you’ve tasted that, you can’t go back to anything else. You can’t hit the kind of notes that love has to offer if you are afraid. Afraid of rejection, getting hurt, or being alone. If I choose to love you, I will love you harder than you have ever been loved. That is not a promise to you. That is a promise to me. Lukewarm love is not love. That’s a transition. Real love means attacking it like a starving dog. To love fully means jumping out of planes. Sometimes without a parachute. Love is not just about support, acceptance, and active listening. Love means holding someone’s soul with two hands, looking into one’s eyes and not seeing the future but only the present because nothing else fucking matters. That’s the kind of love I want. Or I would rather be alone. Am I crazy? Am I shooting too high? Do I need to be realistic? Or maybe you have forgotten what it means to love. Or feel like you don’t deserve it? Our hearts were not designed to love soft. If you’re going to love, love. hard.
There is no other way.