I Asked My Friends Where They See Themselves In Two Years And This Is What They Said
The 30,000ft View Exercise
6:21am. While nursing my morning coffee and staring out at the uncertainty of the world today, I decided to text my guy friends a few hard life questions you don’t usually think about this early at the risk of them thinking “Oh, here’s our therapist friend trying to be our therapist.” Which they have no problem saying out loud. And they usually do. But this morning, I didn’t get pushback or purposely hurtful jokes that don’t really hurt. It’s our way of connecting and I can dish them out as well. Instead, I got “Okay cool. I’ll email you my response.”
Then I thought why not text some other friends. Different ages, gender, and in places in their lives. Why not throw a wider net? We are all peeking into the crystal ball these days. This year has thrown us for a loop. Plans have gone sideways. Businesses paused. Marriages hanging. We have all been thinking about the future. And because of what we’re going through, many of us don’t know. The screen is frozen. We need to hit refresh to hopefully see something again.
The question is actually a series of questions I call “Your 30,000 ft view”, an intervention I use with my clients to get them to see but more importantly feel what they want for themselves in the near future.
If you also want to do this exercise, answer the questions below. Sit with yourself in a quiet place and drop into your body. Don’t just think about it quickly while you’re reading other people’s answers. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Write down whatever you see and feel. Don’t be realistic. Be honest.
Your 30,000ft view.
- Where do you see yourself in two years? Not in five years. So much can happen in five years. Fuck, so much can happen in one year. 2020 is a great example of that. Break down all areas of your life. What are you doing for work? Who are you surrounding yourself with? What about family? Where do you live? Be as specific as possible. You can start by describing a moment if you’d like, a slice of your life. Then feed it and stretch it to reveal a wider view. Tell me a story.
2. How do you want to feel in two years? Again, break down all areas of your life. Work/ career. Friends, family, in your intimate relationship? Or maybe you see yourself as single. What’s the feeling you want those spaces to produced?
3. How are you different two years from now? How you think, behave, process? Your values? Character traits? What’s different about you?
Below are some snippets from my friends. I splattered them like a word collage to give you a feel of what people see for themselves these days. I hope it stirs something in you. I hope it makes you feel less alone. I hope it injects hope.
(I decided to keep them all anonymous. Thank you to everyone who did this exercise. It made me feel closer to each of you.)
This was maybe scarier than it should have been. Why is two years so much scarier an interval than 10?
I am a Stepmom — Loved. Accepted. Trusted.
Committed and comfortable. Loved. Aware and accepting of it. I don’t question us all the time. We still have a great sex life. I feel beautiful and appreciated.
I have a chair in his workshop. We have peace.
I have my own practice. It’s so stable I don’t even wonder anymore. I have a great office that feels like my safe have. Five sessions a day, five days a week.
My past makes sense in a way that it cannot now. Everyone is safe.
I spend my free time writing and engaged in projects that feel fulfilling.
Peace. Activity. Laughter.
- Anonymous
The biggest difference in how I feel is that I trust my own wisdom. I let my inner voice be louder than the voice of doubt, self-criticism, or fear of stepping into my own power. I trust in all that I am capable of as a mother, a leader, a partner, a friend and community member.
- Anonymous
My heart is open to a soul connection.. to meeting someone who inspires me with their presence, their hunger to look inward and their way of showing up in the world. I feel safe in the awareness that I do not have to make myself smaller in order to maintain their love. We challenge one another by holding space for the other’s consistent growth. this person’s heart is big enough to authentically hold love for my child and deep respect for his father too.
What I feel most is constantly aware of the miraculous nature of this life. I feel gratitude and peace more than anything else. I don’t take one second for granted and I use all of the blessings I’ve been given as a way to inspire others with what is possible. I am humbled by the generous friendships, connections, love and community that surrounds me.
The biggest difference in how I feel is that I trust my own wisdom. I let my inner voice be louder than the voice of doubt, self-criticism, or fear of stepping into my own power. I trust in all that I am capable of as a mother, a leader, a partner, a friend and community member.
- Anonymous
6 years ago, my friend’s mom brought an art project she’d been working on to the yoga studio where I worked to share with us. she’d painted words on a whole bunch of stones and said we could take them to use as paper weights, or inspiration..whatever we wanted. I remember being immediately drawn to the stone that said the word community on it and thinking to myself.. “that’s what I want to do with my life. I want to create community.”
I feel like I came to life (after sleep walking for several years) in the experience of being in community. For some reason, picking up this stone gave me clarity of purpose around the desire to be a motivational force for others to heal/awaken/live the in the fullest expression of themselves with the time that they have here.
- Anonymous
What’s different from now is the level of appreciation I have for myself. I no longer take myself for granted or look externally for answers that I know within. I am decisive, knowing I can’t fuck it up and everything is rigged in my favor. I am highly organized and I follow the pings, I take action and I don’t spend any time doubting my capabilities; I can go further, faster.
- Anonymous
I am facilitating 4–6 healing retreats this year (both collaborative and individually) that integrate deep therapeutic processing with addtional healing modalities like yoga, meditation, body-work, reiki, healing foods, and soulful relationships. I still work with a few clients — but my client load has been lightened considerably.
I have various opportunities to do things like: write opinion pieces for publications, connect with people who inspire me, travel to places I haven’t been, every aspect of the work I do is centered in the attempt to facilitate healing experiences through community.
- Anonymous
In a remodel house that we love to spend more time at. Less work travel for the sake of marriage, family, health. Intersecting my friends from different parts in time of my life. Developing something that is mine solely- new business, part owner.
I wanted to feel more secure, happy, settled, understanding, softer, more communicative in my relationship. Reestablish my laid back attitude and better mental health — enjoy myself more.
I want to stress less and enjoy more. I will be 2 years old , more wrinkles, more grey hair but I love it :). Softer in understanding relationships with friends snd family. More outspoken with my feelings.
- Anonymous
Moved out of my parent's place (and still in this relationship I’m in now if it continues to go the way it’s going), having representation as a screenwriter, and working in a writer’s room for a television show and/or pitching/ selling a feature script to a studio.
How do I feel? Obviously happy, but I’m leaning more towards self compassion for this one because I tend to be extremely hard on myself and need to work more on having compassion for myself in all areas of my life.
What’s different about me? I don’t take things as personally and I am less reactive towards things that are out of my control.
- Anonymous
Ever since I was a child I’ve never been able to accurately imagine what I would look like in my future. At the age of 13 I never thought I would make it to the age of 25. I used to think I would be married by the time I was 26, and I would start having kids at the age of 30 if I made it that far. Ha! Boy was I wrong. I was way off. Am I disappointed? I’m not sure if “disappointed” is the correct word… But I can honestly say that I would never go back and do things differently.
- Anonymous
I have a personal belief that if I look to the future for my happiness I won’t be able to appreciate what I have in the moment as much. My late step father constantly put happiness into the future. He was miserable. He was in a constant state of depression, unneeded.
Looking at that from afar, I chose to never do that. I don’t look into my future with goals that may or may not be achieved. What if I set goals that I never attain? What if my goals change? Will I be disappointed in myself for giving up on my once-said goals? Will I be sad when I don’t achieve these particular goals by the certain date? Why not look at what I have now and appreciate it for what it is? Why not be content with what I have and be excited for the future without expectation?
- Anonymous
I see myself in California, and in South America, and all over Europe and China. I see myself traveling overseas, and through the seas. I see myself taking in new cultures and life experiences. I see myself breathing in salty air, and feeling cold winds blow against my face from mountain tops. I see myself relishing in all of the treats life has to offer. I am sober, and I am creating. I am following my passions, and I am inspired by those who are passionate. I love the people who are in my life. I am supported in my efforts, and open to new ideas and challenges.
- Anonymous
The feelings I envision are similar to what I am currently experiencing. I have happiness in my arts, I have happiness in my relationships, and I am loved. I am challenged, and I have struggled to overcome in order to grow and be a better friend, partner, and lover.
- Anonymous
What is different about me? This question is challenging. This question challenges my ability to recognize insecurities in myself, or to shine a light on things I may not like about myself. Truth be told, I really do like myself. In the future I know that I will be wiser, and I know that I will be smarter. I know that I will have learned new lessons, and I will have more laugh wrinkles. Maybe I’ll have some kids, or maybe I won’t… Maybe I’ll have a new career, or maybe I won’t. However, no matter what, I know that I will always strive to be a person that looks at what I currently have to find happiness, and that I follow my passions no matter what.
- Anonymous
I just want boobs and someone to scratch my back.
- Anonymous female
Internally, I feel a sense of satisfaction. An enough-ness. I feel supported and seen by my partner. I do not feel resentment because I am able to ask for help when I need it — or simply because I want it, even if I actually don’t need it.
- Anonymous
Here’s mine. I decided to write it as a scene instead of a list. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to do this.
Two years from now, here’s what I see but more importantly how I want to feel.
I’m up early, 5am ish. Nursing my hot coffee, I walk out onto my back patio and sit in the enchanting garden Vanessa created. Not enchanting in a cheesy Disney movie way. It’s more ranch-y and practical. The garden grows vegetables we eat daily, reminding me how much better things taste when they’re unprocessed. Simple and pure is the miracle, before the world gets its hands on it. Like our truth.
Henry the hummingbird visits me daily. I swear he’s someone I knew in a past life. It’s peaceful up here in the Altadena hills. Not the kind of hills I imagined I’d live in. These are “out of the city”, hidden, less trendy and commercialized. Which feels right at this time in my life. The house has come a long way since we bought it two years ago during the pandemic. It now has a lap pool, a deck, an outdoor eating area where I make my friends Korean barbeque, and a garage we’ve turned into a studio/podcast room.
In the studio. I sit at a long work table, the kind that allows you to spread out all your shit out. My motorcycle helmets adore the shelf like Hot Wheels cars. Posters of all my books hang on the wall. There are four of them. The latest one title “LOVE WITHOUT YOUR PAST”. It was the scariest one to write. A few framed photos. Me and a bunch of dudes dirt biking in Alaska. A family trip to Korea. And a romantic postcard and Vanessa in Italy, Logan in between us.
A raspy voice turns my head. Logan stands by the doorway. She’s now two and a half and clenching one of my empty coffee mugs in her hand like it’s a stuffed animal. I say “Good morning, nugget.”
As she runs and climbs on my lap, another figure appears in the doorway. Vanessa, in her morning robe and holding a mug as well. This one is full. She smiles and it calms me. I smile back as I hit the garage door open.
The garage
slowly opens to reveal a brand new day.
WHAT I FEEL
If gratitude was butter, I feel the grass-fed kind, the kind that’s imported. Most of my life my gratitude has been temporary, like margarine. Processed. A short cut gratitude that can be a bit forced, more like an intervention than an organic feeling produced by a permanent change in lenses. But what I feel now, in the garage / studio of our home, is pure and consistent gratitude. I guess the difference between grass-fed gratitude and margarine gratitude is it’s not lined with fear.
I am less afraid than I have ever been in my life. I now firmly believe the sky will not fall. I’ve gotten to a place where fear is an annoying neighbor I have learned to be friendly with. We are no longer roommates. He lives across the street. Borrows my mower sometimes. Uncertainty doesn’t scare me anymore.
I’m a kinder person. I look at people instead of just listening to their words. I can finally truly see the spirit of who they are.
I feel peace. All around. And with myself.
And finally, a second wind.
Something is brewing again.
There is a spark.
The emergence of the basement guy, who doesn’t live in the basement anymore.
- Angry
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