How to unlock your code, so you start living at your potential

Surf your balls off” she replies casually as if she’s reminding me my shoes are untied. I chuckle on the inside as I plop down at my table and punch those exact words into the passcode box for free wireless. I am back in the corner of a coffee shop today. This time, answering client emails and questions from my blog, hoping to ignite a change in the way one thinks. Everything’s the same. The cheap coffee, the bad art, the starlet whipping foam mechanically behind the counter, and the sea of struggling screenwriters typing with urgency which will only last a few minutes before they too become robots. I guess the only difference between now and five years ago, besides the amount of grays in my hair and change in my pocket, is who I’m typing for. Before, it was for me, my life, my future. Now, it’s for others, their life, and their future. I am not saying I have the ability to help anyone. I am just saying that is my intent. I ponder this and realize that this small difference, the intent to do something for someone else instead of yourself, creates a bulletproof sense of productivity because you can’t fail when you give. They may still not like what I have to say, but they can’t argue with my heart. I am still writing on spec as they say in Hollywood. Before, the speculation that my story is viable. Today, the speculation that your story is valuable. This makes me happy. I take a deep breath and smile, angled on a wooden chair with my back against the wall like I used to sit for hours years ago, realizing that I can take this place back. I feel comfortable here. I feel safe. It’s my treehouse.

It wasn’t until I started a blog that I began to take things back. I didn’t realize it at the time. I didn’t say to myself, I need to take things back that I once loved doing. I created a blog because I wanted to connect. But inside the itch to create was surfacing again. The blog just happened to be the tool I used. Creating allowed me to connect, not only with others but with myself. That is the important piece. What ever you decide to take back will allow you –to connect with yourself.

To me, punk rock is the freedom to create, freedom to be successful, freedom to not be successful, freedom to be who you are. It’s freedom.

- Patti Smith

Sometimes growth is more about a reunion than anything else. I believe that at some point in our life, usually when we’re young, something happens that forces us to grow up really fast, become an “adult” and we stuff that part of us that we really liked into a hope chest and lock it. Maybe it was when your parents got a divorce. When your brother got sick and you had to take care of him. The expiration of a toxic relationship that left you alone and having to start all over again. Some or many events in your life caused a separation with self. Then we’re slowly shaped by the external. Parents. Family. Expectations. Advertising. Social pressure. Bills. So we’re living outside in instead of inside out. Unlocking your code means taking that person back out and giving her a voice again. It’s inside out living, not outside in. The difference is feeling powerfilled instead of powerless. See it as your core, which your daily adult, work, relationships, bills, gym, dishes, and deadlines has stuffed into a box and locked away. What’s keeping it trapped is fear. You are afraid that by unlocking your inner code, you will not be what you should be, who you should be. Unlocking it means being different and being different is scary. But the truth is you will never be who you were meant to be if you don’t tap into that part of you that is your truth. In order to be your true self, to tip your potential, to release that part of you which is ultimately alive, you must unlock your Inner Code. Rip off that muzzle you strapped on yourself years ago.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I used to get lost in breakdancing when I was around ten. I would do it every day after school for hours. I liked myself when I was doing this and the lifestyle became a part of me. Now unlocking my code doesn’t mean I’m going to start breakdancing and tagging walls as a 42 year old man. Or it could I guess. But in my case, it’s about reuniting with the spirit of that ten year old. Giving him a voice, starting a relationship with that true version of me that I locked away years ago. So these days, that part of me comes out to play in the Crossfit box, riding my motorcycle, and other things that connect me with that part of myself. This connection makes me feel alive. So the question for you is what part of you did you lock up when life happened, traumatic events, the break up, parents divorcing? What part of you did you ignore due to circumstances? Many of us had to become parents or take care of our siblings because our parents weren’t able to. What would it look like to pull that part of you that you had to ignore and listen to him? When I say what would it look like, I mean what action steps can you apply to your life to create this reunion?

…the ‘acorn theory’ …holds that each person bears a uniqueness that asks to be lived and that is already present before it can be lived.

- James Hillman, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling

Growth is finding the right combination to the lock that’s keeping you from who you really are.

PRACTICE: Unlocking Your Code

Explore what you gravitate toward and rediscover what moves you. You can’t move forward, evolve, and grow, if you don’t allow yourself to flourish. Find the spirit you were born with. It’s time to open the lock.

What’s a part of you that you have been ignoring, stuffed into a hope chest when shit went down? Really try to tap into the spirit of that person. Open the hope chest and pull her out. What’s the first thing she says to you? Write that down.

What would it look like if you were to have a relationship with this person? How would that manifest in your every day life?

What action steps would you need to take if you were to start listening to and addressing your old / new self.

Claps help spread the message, if you’re into it.

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist

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