The Angry Therapist

Oct 19, 2015

3 min read

How to make yourself infinitely more attractive

Soul mate is a magical term. We’ve added a “meant to be” element to it that’s missing from other relationship terms, like “partner.” Movies, media, magazines and advertising have convinced us that Cupid is real, and is working very hard on our behalf. Because of this, we trust something greater than ourselves, which causes us to close our eyes and cross our fingers.

Like anything in life, wishful thinking doesn’t usually manifest results. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t believe in magic, because the world is full of magic if you look. But the magic comes when you find your soul mate, not so much when you’re searching for one. There may be moments. You may have wonderful experiences, but the magic doesn’t come in droves.

So if you don’t depend on the powers that be to drop the love of your life into your lap, how do you take action to find your soul mate?

You don’t find; you attract. Everyone has an attraction level. The action comes in raising yours. Here are a few tips on how to raise your attraction level so you begin on a path to attracting your soul mate.

1. Become aware of your attractiveness.

Imagine that you’re a magnet. Forget soul mate for now — do you attract or repel people in general? Do people gravitate toward you or keep their distance? Are you able to maintain healthy relationships with friends? Do you know many but not really know anyone?

When I say that everyone has an attraction level, I’m not referring to aesthetics. I’m talking about energy, attitude, emotional intelligence, general vibe and character. So the first tip is to be aware of your attraction level. How do people respond to you? Do you notice a pattern? Is it different depending on gender? Tip one is to just be aware and take an honest look at your attraction level. If you believe your level is low, it doesn’t mean you’re defective. It means you have low awareness, or you haven’t done much work on yourself.

2. Don’t be reactive.

Nothing repels people more than a reactive person. No one wants to feel like they’re walking through a minefield when they’re around you. How do you know if you’re reactive? Simple. Do you react or do you respond to people, situations and events? Do you think about how your words, actions and energy will affect those around you? Or do you just allow yourself to have knee-jerk reactions to everything? Are you calm and collected? Do you try to understand before being understood? Or is the sky always falling and your mind is set to “search and destroy”?

Remember, reactivity translates to toxicity. The first thing people on a path of growth do is eliminate all the toxic people around them. If you find yourself alone, you may be one of them. If you find yourself getting angry just by reading this, you may be one of them. I was highly reactive for most of my life.

It took me years to practice responding instead of reacting, because I was never taught how to respond. Well, life taught me eventually.

3. Take care of yourself.

There’s nothing more attractive than someone who takes care of him or herself. Self-care means having the ability to fulfill your seven basic needs, which are listed below:

1. Emotional need

Do you have an outlet to process all your emotional stuff? This could be therapy, a kind friend, or anything that allows you space to process your feelings.

2. Spiritual need

This doesn’t mean you have to be religious; it simply means practicing being a spiritual person. Do you believe in anything greater than yourself?

3. Intellectual need

Do you feed your brain? Or do you sit in front of the television all day?

4. Physical need

This includes diet and exercise. Do you eat well and have a fitness routine? How comfortable do you feel in your body?

5. Sexual need

This doesn’t mean having lots of sex, though it could if that’s important to you. But do you feel sexy? Confident?

6. Financial need

Do you have a job? Are you working toward something? Do you know how to manage your money well? Or are you leasing a hundred thousand dollar car and living a studio apartment?

7. Passion need

What are you doing that lights you up? Anything? It’s the path to your potential. The ability to fulfill these needs is what creates balance in one’s life. And the more balanced you live, the higher your attraction level.

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist

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