First, I want to say there is no one way or right way to coach someone through a break up. There are so many factors to consider and process. Every break up is different and everyone handles their break up differently. What may take one person a summer to “get over” someone may take another an entire lifetime. Hopefully not. But it depends on the person, their story, the imprint of the relationship, etc. etc. etc. So many factors. No two break ups are the same so you can’t help every client in the same way.
But you can have a template to work off of. You can have a general process that you take your clients through.
Here’s mine.
First, acknowledge the pain. That’s the most powerful thing you can do. You’re letting them know you’re with them. You hear them. You understand and relate to their pain. It’s too soon for “everything happens for a reason” and they’re going to get that from everyone else. The soil or primer is always to acknowledge their feels.
Second, the reframe. A break up sounds like something just exploded. Something tragic just happened. And of course, break ups can feel that way. But if you can get your client to change her language from break up to expiration, you can help soften the blow. She can start to pull back, let go, accept, and heal. Or at least start the process. The…
