Where do you see yourself in three years? It’s a common life coaching question and, well, me being a life coach and all, I was going to write about it. But then I thought about it for a second and realized it’s such a loaded question. I mean it’s good to know where you’re going and all that. But I’m not sure how motivating it is to think about it over and over and over again. I get the importance of visualization. I get the making imprints into your subconcious. But it also gets you to notice what you don’t have right now (especially if you’re a big dreamer like me and supper impatient)— what you’re lacking currently. It can cause you to want more instead of motivate you to get up at CEO time (5am) and start building. Because we are self doubting creatures and our monsters point out how high that mountain top is very fast.
So I decided to ask myself a different question, one I’ve never asked myself before. (If you’re a life coach, it may be a good question to ask your clients)
What are you doing now or have now that you wanted three years ago?
Okay, now here’s an interesting question. It flips the script and gets you to see the glass as half full. Powerfilled instead of powerless.
I’ll go first.
Three years ago, I was still the guy in his kitchen blogging in his underwear. I did have a team of Catalysts (life coaches) on my page and instructors helping me teach my life coaching intensive. But I was a one man shop. I was an entrepreneur but I didn’t really have a company. Today, it’s a legit company. I got partners. A product manager. Marketing. A partnership with a dev / tech shop. And a few part time rockstars to help us montior our community and plan live events. A fucking team. It still blows my mind. I never thought I’d have this. I thought I was always going to be the solo drifter on his horse, going from town to town, getting into people’s live, then moving on to the next town. As a company, we can hit many towns simataniously.
A published book.
I gotta say, and I’m being completely honest, I never really considered myself a writer until this year when my book got published. I think the defining moment for me was when I walked into a Barnes and Noble in Glendale, where I grew up, and saw my book sitting on the shelf, next to all the other popular published self help books. It was pretty surreal. It was the difference between selling a screenplay (which I’ve done before) and actually purchasing tickets and watching the movie you wrote in a theater (which I have not). Anyway, I have this. I published something. No one can take that away. It’s a notch in my life belt and one of my greatest accomplishments.
A literary agent.
Peace with death.
I know that sounds dramatic but let me explain. I’m no longer afraid to die. I mean, I’m afraid of the process to death, physically get injured, losing my legs or something. But I’m not afraid to go if it’s my time. I may not have accomplished everything I want to in life but I’ve helped some people. I’m sure I’ve annoyed many people too. But I’ve helped many write new chapters. I also think because I don’t have a wife and kids, it’s easier to make peace with death.
Acceptance of my age.
I was younger three years ago but my clock was louder. I felt like I was getting old but today I am old. No, really. Not old old. I get it. And I feel like I’m 34, not 44. But I’ve accepted my age. I’m a ripe dude. And it’s okay. There’s no more panic or rush to make babies and shit. I can’t get it up sometimes. I see wrinkles in my face. I wake up bloated. It’s okay. At least I have a full head of hair and a sense of humor. Kinda. I finally feel really comfortable with my age. Yes, your body changes. Pretty much over night. But as you age, you also gain things like patience and wisdom and comfort with self which goes much further than abs. I feel like I’m wearing shoes that finally fit. No more wiggly toes that fall short.
Greater ability to be present.
I notice trees now. I appreciate little things like breezes. I just had Texas toast with Ricotta cheese and homemade jam this morning and I almost lost conciousness savoring every bite. I didn’t inhale it in three seconds like I used to. I enjoyed it. I was there. Tasted every flavor. I was present. I was mindful. This is an ability. It takes years of practice. I wasn’t as present three years ago. I didn’t have the ability to observe my thoughts like they’re inside a snow globe. Instead, I was inside the snow globe with my thoughts, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I breathe now. It’s strange to feel calm. This is a game changer. Life becomes three dimenional. You notice things in people you didn’t before, like their energy and sparks in their eyes. It’s easier to find magic. In everything. You judge less. You become curious. And curiousity is what makes the world big and pushes you forward. Being present makes you better at everything. Relationships. Love. Fitness. Writing. Creating. Everything. This is probably one of the most important abilities to have in life. I mean, if we were all black belts at being present, life would be so much brighter. We would all have less anxiety. And better sex for sure.
I don’t know how much of being more present just naturally comes with age or if it’s something you really have to exercise like a muscle. Probably both. I think it’s easier to be present when you have less panic in your life. And maybe that’s why I am able to be more present and eat toast slower these days. I have less panic. I don’t worry about the future as much. I’ve let shit go. I refuse to waste energy on things I can not control.
Believe in thing greater than me.
I think I was curious three years ago. But I didn’t believe. I didn’t believe in anything I could’t see. Today, I am sold. We are all connected. We are spiritual beings in human bodies. There are things at play we may never understand but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist or affect our daily lives. Recently I’ve felt it. There is energy. There is spirit. There is a living breathing magically swirl around us and inside us that we rarely tap into or trust because we live only on a logical plane. The bridge is called faith. Once you start walking on it, you will notice. You will see. You will trust. You will accept your story, and calm the fuck down. It’s the only way out.
Holy moly shit. This is probably the biggest and greatest thing. Yes, I technically had freedom three years ago. I worked from home and made my own hours. I was my own boss. But I still created my own prision. I lived in fear and was terrified if things didn’t work out. Today, I am less afriad than I have ever been which makes me finally feel free. I’m okay if “things don’t work out” because they will. Even if they don’t. Let me explain. The future maybe not unfold in the way that I would like. I may not be looking out at the city of angles from the window of my glass house sporting nothing but a robe and a cigar in my mouth. But I’m cool with renting my little Cape Cod townhouse in Los Feliz and jogging up the hill the catch the same view. I may not have an Audi R8 and a collection of motorcycles but I’m okay with my Audi A4 and a Harley. I may not have a hundred million dollar company but I’m cool with a small company that changes thousands of lives. I may not be able to shop at Whole Foods every day. But there’s a Lassens next door I go to often. I may not find the love of my life… Nah, fuck that. That better happen. I want to fall madly in love with someone. So there may be a little fear there. But overall, I feel like a fucking bird. Free. Flying. Looking down at who I used to be.
Of course I want things and I’m more ambitious now more than ever. But it’s not a white knuckling all or nothing ambition. It’s an organic well balanced listen to the universe ambition that’s not tied to my worth or happiness. I have built enough and have gotten to an internal place of -
Wow, it’s weird to even type that. I don’t think I’ve said or typed that ever. I have said that I’m almost happy. But never happy happy. I think part of being happy is redefining what happy looks like. It’s not a perfect life. It’s not rainbows and unicorns and everyday being the best day of your life. It’s not having a bunch of things. Or being liked. It’s being okay. Okay with where you’re at. What you’ve done. And who you are. That’s it. That’s what happy is. And for the first time in my life, I’m okay. I’m good. You don’t have to like me. I don’t have to be invited to the party. I don’t need fancy things. I need meaning and I have that.
I think this is why people live with so much anxiety and are always stressed the fuck out. They’re afraid they won’t get what they want. They’re afraid that things will not be better. They’re afraid their dreams won’t come true. But if you can get to a place, and by get I mean build, a life that you can be content with, there is tremendous freedom in that. Your life will never be “perfect”. Because perfect doesn’t exist. It’s a mirage created by shoulds. But good exists and maybe that’s enough to feel free. Because it’s not about a perfect life. Because when you get what you want, you will want more and when you get that, you will want more. We are human. That’s how we’re wired. So maybe we shouldn’t shoot for perfect. Maybe we should build a good life and by good I mean a life with meaning and what will make it perfect is leaning into and appreciating everything we have built and not being afraid anymore. What will make it perfect is finally feeling free.
So fuck where you’re going to be three years from now. You know what you want and where you want to be. If not, you have a general idea. Maybe instead of obsessing about that, focus on and put all your energy into what you have now and how you can build off that.
Stop chasing shit.
And the first step is to stop being afraid. Fear is what makes us chase.
And in order to stop being afraid, you must be okay with what you have and where you’re at today.
Instead of looking at how far you have to go, look at how far you’ve come.
No need to look back.
But it’s okay to look down.
You’ve come a long way.
Check out my book mentioned above.