Q: HI John, I was wondering if you had any advice on how to get over feelings of jealousy? I have been single for a long time and interested in a man who I’m not sure is interested in me. Recently, my best friend started dating a guy and they have fallen for each other very quickly. Of course I’m happy for her, but I can’t help comparing her experience to mine and wishing it was me instead of her. How do I let go of these feelings and just be happy for her?
A: First, the way you “get over” any feeling is to actually allow yourself to feel them. I think most people skip this step. Instead we fight or don’t want to feel because we judge the feeling. We line it with shame and guilt and it just creates more anxiety. So, tell yourself it’s okay to feel jealous. It doesn’t make you a bad friend. It makes you human.
Comparing your life to another’s life, even if it’s your own from a previous time, is a dangerous path. Actually it’s not a path. It’s a vortex that will suck you under and cause you to spin until you lose your sense of self. Comparing will always get you asking yourself the wrong questions. And the questions we ask ourselves will determine which direction we will go.
The more you stop comparing, the less jealous you will feel. So the question isn’t “How do I get over feelings of jealousy?”. The question is how do I stop comparing my life to hers or others? When ever you feel yourself comparing, remind yourself that you’re on your own journey as she is on hers. Your time will come. You’ll meet whomever you’re supposed to meet when you’re suppose to meet him. Basically, you have to trust your story. And appreciate and be a fan of other people’s stories. For everyone who you think has it better than you, there are three that have it worse. Also, jealous is just a feeling and it’s normal so don’t beat yourself up for feeling. Accept it. Feel it. But don’t live in it. Instead, see if you can use this as an exercise to stretch and truly be happy for your friend.
See if you can see the event of her finding someone as inspirational. It just means people find each other. Love is out there. Use that as fuel to focus on your own goals / life.
Use this time to bring it back to you and everything you want to build for yourself. Fill your days with things that will better you and strengthen your connection to self. So you bring more to the table as a whole complete person when you do meet someone who deserves you.
I’ve found that people come into our lives when we least expect it. They appear when we’re focusing on our own thing, pursuing our own passions and dreams.
I think when we are seeking, we are in a chasing state which lowers our energy and frequency. But when we focus on us, we are in an attracting state, which raises our energy, frequency, and vibration. In a nutshell, attracting makes us more attractive.
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