Yes codependency is actually very common. But I think it’s also over diagnosed. We all get lost in love to a certain extent and that’s okay and amazing. Heathy is like Voltron. The lions on their own are their own self sustaining creatures but when they come together, they create a whole new thing, a giant robot that’s greater than the parts — Voltron. But imagine two lions instead of five.

Anyway, your lack of confidence is probably from lopsided relationships and getting hurt in the past. So the goal would be to give yourself a new experience so you know that exists and that you can have it. You have to know what it feels like to be less afraid. You have to be aware of when you feel like you’re losing yourself, your wants, desires, and truth. I always tell people when you feel like you’re breaking up with yourself, it’s a sign.

Once you’re aware, honor that in action and behavior. And if your partner interprets that as not loving, that’s not a healthy definition of love. There need to be a conversation. And I’ll be honest with you, healthy love is really hard because it feels so good to lose yourself in someone you love. But know that it’s a trap. It will create daily anxiety, jealous, and a harsh evaluation of self. It’s time to love yourself, invest in you. Let that be the sun and everything else will fall into place. Or it won’t and that will be okay too because you still have you. In a nutshell, get a life. Not being a dick. A full amazing complete life filled with meaning and purpose. As you’re on that path, choose someone to share that journey with. Not the other way around.

  • Angry

Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist