Q: HI John, I was wondering if you had any advice on how to get over feelings of jealousy? I have been single for a long time and interested in a man who I’m not sure is interested in me. Recently, my best friend started dating a guy and they have fallen for each other very quickly. Of course I’m happy for her, but I can’t help comparing her experience to mine and wishing it was me instead of her. How do I let go of these feelings and just be happy for her?
A: Comparing your life to another’s life, even if it’s your own from a previous time, is a dangerous path. Actually it’s not a path. It’s a vortex that will suck you under and cause you to spin until you lose your sense of self. Comparing will always get you asking yourself the wrong questions. And the questions we ask ourselves will determine which direction we go.
The more you stop comparing, the less jealous you will feel. So the question isn’t “How do I get over feelings of jealousy?”. The question is how do I stop comparing my life to hers or others? When ever you feel yourself comparing, remind yourself that you’re on your own journey as she is on hers. Your time will come. You’ll meet whomever you’re supposed to meet when you’re suppose to meet him. Basically, you have to trust your story. And appreciate and be a fan of other people’s stories. For everyone who you think has it better than you, there are three that have it worse. Also, jealous is just a feeling and it’s normal so don’t beat yourself up for feeling. Accept it. Feel it. But don’t live in it. See if you can see the event of her falling for someone as inspirational. It just means people find each other. Love is out there. Use that as fuel to focus on your own goals / life. — Angry
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