A grab bag of self help
Here are a collection of self help shots. Think of these like they’re a variety bag of chips instead of one giant bag of Doritos. Quick reads. Easily digestable. Enjoy.
Refuse to buy into your projection
Usually the way we see ourselves isn’t how others see us. There is room for distortion. Our projection is tainted by our own insecurities. The stories we have created in our head of who we are based on our past experiences and old definitions. Our belief of worth and value based on how others have treated us. All of this can project a false image of ourselves. This then frames a very limited version of who we are, what we can do, what we deserve. Who we deserve. If we can shake our life Etch-A-Sketch. Hit reset. Stop allowing our past to determine our present. We can start our becoming process rather than coping, reacting, running, and living with distortions. This doesn’t mean to deny our story. It actually means to accept it. Fully, so like emotions, it passes through us so we continue to evolve. And the chapters we want to rip out so badly become bridges instead of walls.
What if you cut yourself from your past? Be someone completely new today. See what that feels like and if you like that person. And tomorrow you will have a new choice.
“On the other hand, what I like my music to do to me is awaken the ghosts inside of me. Not the demons, you understand, but the ghosts.”
- David Bowie
I think we all have ghosts. Parts of us that we have neglected for so long they have died. I’m a firm believer that sometimes growth is more about a reunion than anything else. Just lectured about this in my class over the weekend, the idea of unlocking your code, the second stage in my concept of building yourself a brand new container. There are so many different parts of us. And when life happens, we ignore many of them because we have to grow up. But these parts are what give us our essence. Our edge. What makes us solid instead of pseudo. Went to an 80’s concert this weekend. Yes, 80’s shut your mouth! Best years of my life. Anyway, Boy George, who I was never really a fan, gave a jaw dropping performance with like a 12 piece band. He said when his record came out in the states, they just put it in a white sleeve because of how he looked — make up, long beaded hair, dresses, etc. But that’s what made him unique and stand out from the rest. He was also super funny and witty which I didn’t know. If he ignored that part of him and it became a ghost, he wouldn’t have been truly him and his art would have been dishonest. His greatest inspiration was David Bowie, who also stood on his truth.
What’s a part of you you have been ignoring? What’s a part of you that you need to reconnect with? And what would that look like?
Processed Happy vs Organic Happy
Processed happy. Like fast food, quick and fleeting. New shoes, a fancy car. A one night stand. Surface happy. Not false, just not sustainable. Processed happy can be bought. It comes in a wrapper. Not a bad thing. We all need some fast dopamine once in a while. But if all you do is chase processed happy, your life will feel like the film in your mouth after eating drive thru. Your life will lack meaning.
Organic happy. Stems from a deeper place, a place of truth that lines up with who you are and your story. Organic happy has to be built, like a start up, a new body, a meaningful friendship. Organic happy requires a framework and doesn’t come instantly. It requires investment, heart, and sweat. But organic happy is sustainable. Lasting. It’s life nourishment. Soil. Hanging your life on organic happy will give you meaning.
So design your life around organic happy then treat yourself to some processed happy once in a while. Because meaning is what creates the framework for happy to grow.
What / who is meaningful to you? Is that where you’re investing your time? Or are you just chasing sugar and wondering why you feel so empty? What would it look like in your life to stop chasing processed happy and start building organic happy?
“There is a light that never goes out. “
— The Smiths
There is a light, source, consciousness, spirit, whatever you want to call it. A river flowing right above our heads. But because we are so in our heads, triggering our constant state of fight or flight, we don’t notice or experience it. So we live in two dimensions, become cardboard cut outs. To access this river, we must reduce our noise, calm the fuck down, and connect with our inner selves. You can not connect if you are not here. And most of us are not.
Our brain is only one organ of so many. But it’s the only thing we use. When we connect to our bodies, our breath, when we tap into the mentioned river above by stilling our minds, and anchoring our senses, when we grow our intuition, switch our mindsets, believe in something bigger like our stories, we can turn ourselves into an antenna, an instrument that allows us to live a through-me life instead of a to-me life. And I believe that’s where new lenses our found. To see magic and miracles in the mundane. And suddenly we’re no longer posters. We are all prisms. It’s a beautiful idea, one I choose to believe.
I’m using words like soul and listening to Prince’s Purple Rain while I roll out these days. And now that I don’t have panic in my life, I am drawn to the river above like I’m being abducted.
Living inside out vs Living outside in
For most of my life, I lived outside in instead of inside out. I allowed external factors define my worth and motivation. I chased processed happy (bought) instead of organic happy (built) which I’ll go deeper in an Insta Live later. After I inhale these waffles. I’m currently at a diner eating breakfast for lunch.
Living inside out means pulling from your truth and what feels right, honest, what lines up with your gifts and story, focusing and building on THAT, then allowing that to ripple outward. Instead of the other way around. Allowing other people’s truth to impact you and your internal. I’ve leaned that living outside in throws you out of alignment. And suddenly you’re in a ditch, coping in unhealthy ways and wondering how you got there.
Most of us live outside in because we don’t listen to ourselves and what we want. Instead we listen to everything outside of self. Society. Friends. Parents. All our shoulds. We don’t listen to ourselves because we’re not used to it. So what would it look like to start listening to you? To stop breaking promises you’ve made to yourself, no matter how big or small. Because that’s how you puncture your self esteem and have no strength to live inside out. So you default to outside in. But if you want to live inside out, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to be fearless. Vulnerable. You have to trust your story.
“If you know how it’s going to turn out, it’s not courage.”
- Brene Brown
I remind myself of this often. Because it’s in our not knowing that our crazy thoughts and anxiety is born. This uncertainty, whether it’s your career, business, relationship, marriage, or your day, is what sets you into a tailspin, a panic state that lowers your frequency. We drown in our not knowing. But it’s also in the unknown that our courage is tested. For many, born. Know this as you step into your deep end. As you feel the floor disappear. And life forces you to start swimming. Because that’s courage. Not sitting in swallow water because it feels good.
Practice courage today and be okay with not knowing, and instead focus on your swim. Everything you know how to do and who you’re learning to be. Because your life is not a swimming pool. It’s an ocean and the island is getting to a place where your story makes sense. That’s the island. Not the things. And when you’re there, you’ll trust your story and be curious about the unfolding like you’re watching it with popcorn.
So what’s one thing. Just one thing you can do today to practice courage? Because fear is a call to action.
You are more valuable than you think. Act accordingly.
Most people do not believe they are valuable. Because of how we were treated but mostly because of how we treated ourselves. That’s why we are always trying to perform, so we believe we are worth something. For many it’s a life long process to truly come to this belief. So many new imprints and revelations must occur to have that honest shift. So instead of working toward that belief, what if you came in through the other side? What if you acted like you had value? Not in a fake way. In a I deserve to treat myself different and better way. Because that’s where most drop the ball. The second half of growth, execution. If you truly believed you had value, what would that look like in action? In all areas of your life. How would that change the daily dialogue you have with yourself?
It wasn’t until this year that I am actually starting to act like I have value. I’ve had moments of believing I have value but rarely acted on it. Because I’ve always felt like the guy who just got by, got lucky, got into the party because I knew someone not because I was actually on the guest list. These days, I finally have the ability to say no. Or yes. I ask myself if something feels right and if it doesn’t, I won’t engage. I don’t feel as guilty if I hurt or disappoint someone because I decided to stand on my truth. This doesn’t mean pulling from ego. This doesn’t mean to be a dick or think you’re better than anyone. It means to honor yourself. Have you been honoring yourself? If you don’t honor yourself, you can’t expect others to. Do you know what that even looks like? And not because of what you can do. But because of who you are, because of all the shit you’ve been through, because you work hard, because you stood up. Because you matter. If you don’t stick up for yourself by “acting accordingly”, no one’s going to do it for you.
I don’t know what you believe about yourself but it’s time to start acting like you matter. Because there is a huge difference between thinking you are valuable and acting like it. Only one will actually change your life.
- Angry
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