5 things to look for in a life coach. (or if you’re a coach, 5 traits to possess)

They say if you find a great life coach, don’t ever let her go. This is because finding a great coach is difficult. It’s not just about tools and techniques. A significant part of a great coach is the chemistry between you and your coach. And that chemistry is unique to each relationship. So just because a certain life coach was super effective with your friend doesn’t mean that same life coach will be effective with you. Again, every relationship is unique. What do I mean by chemistry? Everything from your level of respect to personality to relatability to coaching style to her story, and the list goes on and on. But here are five basic fundamental things to look for in your coach for any chemistry to be produced. These traits are required for you to have the best chance of having a powerful dynamic with your life coach.

1. Authenticity.

If you’re a coach: Being authentic is terrifying. I get it. We want our clients to see us a certain way. We want them to believe our lives and relationships are perfect. We want them to believe we are perfect and if we’re authentic, they may see our flaws. They may not like us. But remember, if that is your focus, you are taking and not giving. To give is to be yourself.

2. A voice.

Make sure your life coach is not a walking textbook. The value of a coach isn’t just about techniques. It’s about their voice.

If you’re a coach: Trust what feels honest to you. Don’t get caught up in your definitions on what a coach should look like. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t try to be like other coaches. What works for them may not work for you. Try different things, knowing that there is no such thing as failure. It’s all information and learning. You will always be growing. You will always be evolving. You will always be honing your craft. But only if you listen to your voice and no one else’s.

3. Confidence.

Confidence is about knowing your worth, as well as your short comings. Confidence is about being honest with self, practicing your truth, standing on what you believe. Confidence is taking ownership of things you don’t know, pulling from your heart instead of ego. Confidence is vulnerability. Confidence is communication. Confidence is knowing if you can or can not help a client and referring them out of you don’t believe you can. Confidence is exploring your own triggers as a coach. Confidence is setting appropriate boundaries. Confidence is making it about the client instead of you.

If you’re a coach: Confidence takes time. Be patient. If you don’t feel confident, it’s okay. Work toward building your confidence. Because it’s a process. Remember, every coach starts off unsure and scared. What’s important is a willingness to build it and to be honest about where you’re at in your life coaching career. That’s confidence.

4. Passion.

5. Magic.

Magic is tough to describe because it will be unique to the relationship. The magic is in the exchange. And remember, magic isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. Magic can come in the form of resistance. Because from resistance, assuming you and your coach process and explore it, is where amazing growth can be produced. In both you as well as the coach.

Magic can come in the form of revelations, hope, feeling supported, heard, cared about, believed in, and trusted.

If you’re a coach: Don’t try to force the magic. Just focus on creating the space to allow it to happen. If you try to force magic, you’re going to come off as trying too hard. And your client will smell it. Instead producing magic, you will produce skepticism.

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Author of “I Used To Be A Miserable F*CK” and “Single. on Purpose.” IG: theangrytherapist