3 ReasonsWhy Being Single Is The New “Finding The One”
I’ve been single. Many times. I’ve struggled with loneliness. Rejection. Not believing I was desirable. I’ve tried “dating myself” many times and it was bullshit. The truth is we’re humans and we’re not meant to do life alone. We want to love someone. And that’s okay. We’re biologically built that way. What’s not okay is losing ourselves because we don’t have someone to love. Or losing ourselves in the person we’ve chosen to love.
I have struggled with singlehood, and also lost myself in relationships. I have jumped into things way too fast after a breakup was still fresh. Within days, I’ve been “back on the market” swiping to find someone else to lose myself in. Because I didn’t want to be alone. Because I didn’t want to eat by myself. Because I like sex too much. But on a deeper level, because I needed to prove to myself that I was desirable, loveable, and worthy. And it’s really hard to feel that on a Friday night when you’re at home eating your feelings.
I’ve contacted exes due to desperation and later regretted it. I have wondered how many “ones” have gotten away. I have felt that deep loneliness, the kind that keeps you from washing your hair or wearing anything but sweats. I have done all the things: Gotten together with women I wasn’t that into. Been rejected by women I was really into. Tried to be someone I wasn’t for someone else. Forced things that didn’t feel right because I wanted it to work. Used dating apps to only be lead on, catfished, and disappointed. All of this made me more and more shitty about myself.
We have been programmed at a very young age that happy is not found alone. You need a boyfriend, a prom date, a husband. Finding love is what happy looks like. If you’re single, you’re incomplete, defective, and less than. Sitting at a restaurant by yourself means something’s wrong with you or life. People feel bad for you. When you tell someone you’re getting a divorce, the first words that come out of their mouth is, “I’m sorry.”
And this is why most relationships fail.
We go into them disconnected with ourselves. Because when we are single, we are just desperately looking. We are hiding, waiting, and searching to find our worth…