#28 Do be aware of your energy

Only a few years ago, I associated the word energy with solar power, batteries, electric cars, and the amount of human fuel I had for the day. Or in some cases, tolerance depending on who was around me.

Today, it’s one of the first words that come to mind when I think of self awareness, relationships, and well, being a man.

I’ll make it really simple.

We are all energy.

We literally omit energy that’s produced by our thoughts and feelings. If we’re constantly thinking and feeling negative feelings, like anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, etc., we omit negative energy. If we are thinking and feeling positive feelings, like love, gratitude, joy, etc., we omit positive energy. That’s it. No need to go deeper.

No, you can’t see this process. And since we are such logical creatures, it may be hard for you to put much weight on it. We need proof. Okay, let me ask you this. Have you been around someone who does nothing but complain about his life, gossip about others, and can’t control his anger? How do you feel around that person? Better yet, have you ever rode shotgun with someone who has road rage? Holy shit. It’s exhausting, right? By the time you get to where you guys are going, you are completely drained. That’s because he’s vomiting negative energy and you’re directly absorbing it. He’s also setting off your fight or flight which creates anxiety and drains your energy.

On the flip side, have you been around someone who is always calm and positive? Never complains or talks shit. Always tries to see the good in people and situations. Yes, it’s rare but they do exist. How do you feel around that person? He’s like water. You gravitate toward him. You look forward to seeing him. You actually leave checking yourself and your own energy, and realize that maybe being positive is a choice.

Who would you follow as a leader?

I used to be the angry complaining guy who would walk into a room and suck everyone’s energy. And I was completely oblivious of it. I was just being me. Honest and real. If I covered it up, I would be being fake. Right? It wasn’t until I felt drained from a few guys in my life at the time that did it to me, that learned about the importance of being aware of your energy. It got so bad I didn’t want to be around those guys anymore. It wasn’t their intention but they brought me down with them. They hijacked the little positive that I did have. I felt powerless and wanted to stay away from them. Then I played back all the women I have dated and been in relationships with and how irresponsible I was with my energy. How I drained them. Hijacked their positive. I realized how hard that must have been, especially if were living together. And it made me sad. I felt like a child. And that’s when I realized I needed to be aware of my energy. Now I make an effort to be aware and responsible. I also protect myself from others who are not. No, you shouldn’t hold things in. Yes, you should vent. Especially men. But there is a time and place. Therapy rooms. The gym. When you’re running alone. Not at other people, especially if you care about them.

As men, it’s not just our words and actions we must take responsibility for. It is also our energy. People can feel that shit. Kids can feel that shit. And it affects them. It’s subtle trauma. They grow up walking on eggshells. Or being unaware of their own negative energy because they saw it as normal. In your intimate relationship, your negative energy is changing the chemistry. It’s why she doesn’t kiss you the way she used to. It extremely difficult to be intimate with someone who is always omitting negativity. You become a flipped magnet. Stop taking people hostage with your negativity. Stop stripping their desire to live a good positive life.

Boys think energy only comes from batteries.

Men are aware of their energy and take full responsibility for it.

• Angry